What Else Can We Do
by Anteyra
Summary: A Lieutenant reflects on the most recent away mission where an important member of the crew has been killed. writen in 1st person narrative. !REVAMP! - Original will be posted at the end as one chapter.
1. Reflection

Chapter 1

**Lieutenant Jesse Reller, Personal Log, September 8****th**** 2158**

Nothing is the same on the Starship Enterprise any more. It doesn't feel the same ship. Everyone goes around silent. There's no laughter. No one smiles much. No love. Friendship is hardly shown. No movie night on Tuesdays down in the Mess Hall. Hardly anyone eats and not many people get much sleep. Insomnia is a constant, very much like how it was in the Delphic Expanse. The bridge is an especially creepy place to be because He isn't there anymore. He's gone and everyone has been affected.

Lieutenant Vicky Herley, my best friend and roommate, was the most upset by the tragedy. She loved him, she really did love him. None of us had seen it until that day. That dreadful day that the ship lost one of its most important crew members, and Vicky lost the love of her life.

It all began when Enterprise picked up a distress call. Ensign Hoshi Sato was off duty, so I was on the COMM, though I wish I hadn't been there, not that it would have made much difference. If I had known anything like this would've happened, I would have done my best to make sure that it was me that was gone instead of Him. If I had the chance to go back in time, I would have done everything in my power to protect Him on the away mission. I don't know what it was that let me down…. That let Him down, but I froze. I froze and it cost Him his life.

I know that if Commander Tucker were here now he'd agree with me on that. Everyone on the ship knows that I would put my life in front of other's and so it was one reason why Captain Archer had persuaded me to take up Security as well as COMM when I was in the Academy, so that when I'm not needed on the Bridge I have something else to do to help around the ship.

The terrible day happened just four days ago. I'll never get it out of my head now, and it'll haunt me for the rest of my life, wherever I go, whatever I do, it'll be at the back of my mind. September the 4th will be a day that no one forgets, although I bet, like me, they hope and wish that they do.

Porthos, Captain Archer's faithful companion, and friend to my own Labrador, had died from old age, and he hadn't really passed from that shock. He really did love his beagle. Everyone did. Porthos was certainly always full of life.

Lieutenant Reed had just had his thirty-fifth birthday. Fun and games had been had by all, but now the fun and laughter has disappeared, like ice melting in the sun. It's gone, just a pool of a memory. There's nothing to celebrate any more, and probably won't be for a long time.

No one is quite sure who will take His place. It appears to be that most of the crew feels that filling His place right now is wrong. If that happened straight away He would be forgotten too quickly, and no one wants that, especially Vicky.

I know that if He were here right now He would want us to remember all the good times, but that's always easier said than done.


	2. It All Began

Chapter 2

**September 4****th**** 2158**

Everything was peaceful up on the bridge. Everything expect for Captain Archer, Lieutenant Reed and Commander Tucker. They were talking about the Lieutenant's Birthday party that had been held two nights before. The main topic of discussion between them was the games that had taken place in the Mess Hall.

"Come on, Malcolm." Commander Tucker said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Pin the Tail on the Donkey was not that bad!" a wide grin covered his face as he tried to stifle his giggles.

"I'm sorry, Commander." Malcolm began to shake his head in disagreement. "But I just don't see what the point is of that game. I've never liked it."

"The point is to make people laugh when you place the tail on its forehead or something silly like that."

"Or pinning it to Hoshi's arse!" Trip laughed out, making Malcolm blush, as that is what had happened when the Chief tactical officer tried to play.

"That is exactly why it's a silly game for grown-ups. I'm not surprised Ensign Reller won." At the mention of my name, I looked up from the COMM desk and over to the group, smiling slightly at them. Commander Tucker looked at me and smiled back.

The bridge fell silent as the men dispersed around the bridge and, for a moment or two, things were once again peaceful. That was until beeping sounded around the room. Everyone looked at their consoles, but I immediately noticed it was mine that was making the noise. I tapped a few buttons before reporting to Archer. "We're picking up a distress call, Captain." I said, looking over at Archer.

He watched me, moving over to his chair. "Put it up." He ordered.

"To….. We…." The voice was very distorted and barely audible. I pressed several buttons as I listened to the next order.

"Can you clear it up?"

"I'm working on it." I replied and relaxed a little bit when the reception was cleared and the voice could be heard with a lot more ease.

"We need immediate assistance. It's tearing us apart! This is the transport ship Ko'Luar." At that moment the voice suddenly cut out. I checked my desk to see if it was a problem with our equipment, by a quick diagnostic concluded that it wasn't us. I looked at Archer and shook my head.

"T'Pol?"

"The Ko'Luar is one of three Nausicaan cargo vessels."

"Where?"

"Bearing zero zero five mark four three. Will take approximately two hours to get there. No other ships in range." Replied Malcolm, The Captain's head was turning each time one of the bridge crew spoke.

"Travis. Set a course, maximum warp."

"Aye sir." The space boomer replied and within seconds the Enterprise was sailing through space towards the co-ordinates Malcolm had given.

Captain Archer ordered me to hail the Ko'Luar to let them know that assistance was on its way, but I couldn't get any response from them. There was either some sort of heavy magnetic interference or their equipment was offline. Communications with the Nausicaan were cut off.

No one knew what to expect, or why these ships needed help as that part of the distress call had been fizzled out by interference. One thing was certain though, the Nausicaans weren't exactly on Star Fleet's list of nice aliens, by the needed help and it was our job to provide whatever assistance they needed.


	3. Taken

Chapter 3

The next two hours seemed to pass by slowly. There wasn't anything we could do to get there any quicker, and we'd heard nothing else over the COMM. Had the ships been destroyed by whatever it was they were talking about tearing them apart? What was going on?

Malcolm had weapons on standby. He never could enter an unknown situation with them powered down, they always had to be ready for a fight. He always had to be ready for a fight.

At long last we finally approached the co-ordinates of the transport ships. There was no magnetic interference, there were no other ships in the area, in fact scans seemed to indicate that they were in perfect health. No evident damage on their hulls, no damage at all. Everyone looked uneasily at another. Had we just walked into a trap? What was going on? Perhaps Malcolm's persistant activation of the weapons was a good idea.

"Travis?"

"These are the co-ordinates sir." The young helmsman replied, inserting more worry into everyone's minds. What were the Nausicaans playing at? Sending out a distress call when they weren't in distress... something was clearly wrong.

Captain Archer was just about to give Malcolm an order when at the back of the bridge, four Nausicaan soldiers beamed in, their weapons ready and raised.

"Captain!" Malcolm cried out as the Nausicaans shot the Captain and he fell to the floor unconscious by his chair. Malcolm and I leapt out of our chairs to engage the intruders in combat but we were quickly shot down, as were Hoshi and Travis. As I lost consciousness I could just about see the soldiers beginning to move around the bridge, and I remember wondering what was it they had come for? After that everything went black. I had made it only a few feet from the console before begin shot. They had taken us by surprise and we had been unprepared for their attack, and indeed we had walked right into a trap. A horrible a devious trap that would eventually spell disaster.

I wasn't sure how long the stun lasted, it could have been minutes, or it could have been hours. It was very difficult to tell. The next thing I knew, Travis was leaning over me, checking me over. I carefully sat up with his help, noting that everyone else was already awake. It was then that I noticed one person was missing. I stood up, staring at the empty seat, just like everyone else was doing. They were all staring at that empty seat where Lieutenant Reed normally sat. Why would they take him? What did they want him for? Surely Captain Archer was a much more valuable hostage.

For just a moment or two nobody seemed to know what to do, even Captain Archer was stunned by the disappearance of his friend.


	4. The Chase

Chapter 4

"Get Hoshi up here, now!" Jonathan ordered, his voice filled with anger and worry. I nodded my head slowly as I was still feeling a bit dazed from the stun, and judging by everyone else's movements, they were too. "T'Pol, I want those ships located now!"

"Luckily their warp trail has not fully disintegrated. It shouldn't be too hard to find out where they have gone."

Within minutes, Hoshi entered the bridge from the turbolift. Switching places, she took over on tactical and I hesitantly moved to the tactical console and sat down in Malcolm's seat. It didn't feel right. He should be the one here. I looked to Captain Archer for some sort of comfort, but he was too busy focussing on the situation. His chief of Security had just been kidnapped and he was going to do whatever he could to get him back. His officer… his friend.

T'Pol was able to project an image of the warp trail onto the view screen in front of everyone. With the information on display, Travis set a course. Hopefully our vessel was faster than the Nausicaans and we'd catch up with them in no time, try negotiating and we'd have Malcolm back in time for tea. That was what I was hoping for anyway. But I knew that it would never be that simple.

For three hours we followed the warp trail, and the further we got, the clearer the signal came from the trail. We were gaining on them. I kept my eyes on our long range scanners, looking for any ships. Looking for their ships. I finally spotted three blips on the scanners. It had to be them, it just had to be. "I've got them!" I announced, feeling more hopeful, even though I didn't actually know if it was the Nausicaans or not. But I had to be… they were travelling in the same direction, there were three of them… what more confirmation did I need?

After gaining a bit more on them, T'Pol's sensors were able to give us more information. "I am detecting one human bio sign on the starboard ship."

"Take out their engines!" Archer ordered and I nodded my head. His voice was full of anger, and he was ready to get his revenge on the aliens. Firing the torpedoes and plasma cannons at the three ships was answered back with retaliation, though their fire power was only with low yield particle cannons, this wasn't going to be too difficult. For several seconds everyone was watching the view screen as I continued to fire. Small explosions could be seen erupting on the three ships as each one lost their own weapons and engines.

"They've all lost weapons and engines." I reported, knowing the Captain would also want me to knock out the enemy's fire power.

"T'Pol. Tucker. Reller." Archer ordered and headed for the turbolift. I knew what that meant, he wanted me with them on the mission and so I followed, joining the other three in the turbolift.

"Cap'n, shouldn't we try and contact them first?"

Archer glared at Trip "I highly doubt they will just hand Malcolm over!"

"Aye sir." He nodded and the doors closed as we headed for the Armoury. I grabbed several Phase pistols and plasma rifles, handing them out so that we each had two weapons. We then silently, but with a purposeful stride made our way to the transporter. Hoshi had already set the co-ordinates down to a crewman who was ready and waiting to activate the machine. Standing on the pad, Archer nodded his head.

"I can get you within twenty meters of the target, sir."

"Energise."

With that the transporter was activated and after just a brief second or two we found ourselves along a corridor on the Nausicaan ship. We all took up a defensive stance, expecting to meet resistance, but there was none.

"Trip. Take T'Pol and go Starboard. We'll take port."

"Aye sir." Trip looked at T'Pol and with a nod from both of them they moved off along the corridor and disappeared around a corner. I looked at Archer and we moved off carefully. I kept checking my scanner to see which direction we needed to go. I looked at him and indicated with my hand which way Lieutenant Reed was, and we moved off. Silently.


	5. Engagement

Chapter 5

We were getting close, but as we turned a corner we found ourselves starring into the faces of two Nausicaans who had been waiting for us, their weapons ready and aimed. Archer and I had nowhere to run as two more came up behind us. Severely outnumbered and surrounded we had no option but to fight. What puzzled me was my scanner hadn't even detected them. Had they had some sort of dampening field in place, or was it just a malfunction with the device?

"Drop your weapons." One of the Nausicaans ordered.

With a look, a small nod and three words of "Do it, Lieutenant." From Archer we slowly and reluctantly placed our weapons on the ground. Two Nausicaans then moved forward and reached out to grab the two of us, but as soon as they were close enough, I began to fight them. I wasn't one who liked to give up so easily. As I fought I could that Archer had also taken up to a fist fight.

I grabbed one of them and pushed him up against the wall of the corridor, kicking him in the face and punching him a couple of times, leaving him crumpled up on the floor in an unconscious heap. Another one jumped on me, knocking me onto the floor. I knew Nausicaans were strong and I didn't have a very good feeling that I was going to win this fight, as this time I had no element of surprise like I did with the first one. A fleeting glance to Captain Archer told me that he was fighting the other two Nausicaans.

I tried to push my opponent off me, but his weight was far too much and I was beginning to find it hard to breathe. He then began to try and strangle me, his weapon pressing down on my neck, cutting off my air supply. Using all my strength I managed to roll to one side and was now on top of my attacker. I quickly stood up with him following, coughing slightly as I went. I spun around and punched him a couple of times, he managed to punch me in the stomach. I double over in pain giving him the chance to punch me in the face. As I fell, I tried to grab a couple of the handles, but missed. Being on the floor gave me a slight tactical advantage and I was able to kick him round the face as he leaned over me, and then I kicked him back. His head was hit against the bulkhead and was rendered unconscious.

Looking to the side I could see that Archer was still against his two opponents and so I joined in the fray, giving the Captain the chance to focus on just one of them. My new opponent didn't have much energy left him in and it didn't take long for me to knock him out as well.

I turned to see how Archer was doing, but he and the fourth Nausicaan had vanished. I grabbed my plasma rifle from the floor and ran off down the corridor, turning the first corner I came to. And that's when I saw it.


	6. The Fight to End All Fights

Chapter 6

The Nausicaan and Captain Archer were locked in combat, both had their hands wrapped around the others neck as they tried to strangle each other. The Captain had his back to me so I couldn't fire for fear of hitting him. The Nausicaan got the upper hand and managed to punch Archer round the face and he fell back. I raised my rifle ready to shoot him, yet for a few terrible and horrifying seconds I just froze as quick as a flash, the alien pulled out a knife and thrust it into Archer's torso.

"No!" I cried out and fired at him. He fell on the floor, unconscious. My hands began to shake as I ran forward to Archer, falling to me knees as quickly as I could, and checked for a pulse. "Captain?" tears began to roll down my checks as my search failed and I knew he was gone. I stared at the dagger and where it had entered his body. Right through the heart. He was dead and there was nothing anyone could do for him.

I could hear footsteps approaching, but I made no move. I just stayed where I was. A simple response to a distress call had turned into a rescue mission with the worst possible outcome. The footsteps grew louder and louder and before I knew it I felt something on my shoulder. I jumped up and began to hit whoever it was, my eyes tightly shut and I screamed. "No! Get off me!" I just didn't want to look at another Nausicaan. "No!" My arms flailed around trying to get what punches I could get in, but they barely had any strength to them, I was losing the will to fight anymore.

As I tried to struggle with the attacker, I felt arms wrapping around me and heard a gentle soothing voice, a voice I recognised all too well. "Shh… Jesse… Shh. I'm here now. Come on, come with me." That Southern American accent, no one else on board had that voice. Commander Tucker. As the realisation of who it was sunk in I collapsed into him and sobbed, not daring to open my eyes, but I forced myself to. Through the salty tears that welled in my eyes I could make out two figures standing just a few metres away. It had to be Malcolm and T'Pol. He'd been found, but it was all too late for Captain Archer.

I could feel him pulling me away from the body. I didn't want to move, but knew I had to. Were they going to take Him back to the ship or leave Him where He died? I didn't really want to think about it, but it was the only thing going through my head. He was dead and it was all my fault.

"Tucker to En'erprise. Beam us directly to sickbay." I heard him order. Obviously he didn't want anyone else to see the body of their Captain. I guessed that T'Pol and Malcolm must've moved to Him so that he would be transported as well, but my face was buried in Trip's shoulder. I felt the effects of the transporter and could soon hear Phlox's voice. We were back on Enterprise. I couldn't make out what was being said, but I could hear the sound of curtains being drawn.

Trip got me sitting down on a biobed, but after what had happened I didn't want treatment for my wounds. They seemed nothing to me now. They were just little cuts to me, although they were slightly more than that and still bleeding. Trip stood up and i felt weight being put on the bed next to me. I turned my head slightly and found that Malcolm was now there. His face didn't look much better than mine felt, and he most likely had bruising on his torso as when I hugged him I noticed he winced slightly with pain.

The next thing I knew I was waking up in sickbay. I must've either cried myself to sleep, or Phlox may have given me a sedative, which I can't be sure, but whichever it was had given the doctor a chance to treat me as I noticed my cuts were healed.

Were they healed or had that all just been a bad dream and I was sickbay for a bump to the head? I was hoping it was all a dream, but then I saw the closed curtain. I stood up and pulled it back slightly, peering at the white sheet that covered a body. It hadn't been a bad dream. It really had happened. Feeling my stomach churn I turned away, pulling the curtain across to hide it again. A few steps and I found myself once again in the arms of Trip. He must've just come in and seen me at the curtain. I hugged him tightly, not knowing what else to do. He wrapped his arms around me tightly and I could feel his own tears falling onto the top of my head.


	7. Remember

Chapter 7

The doors to sickbay slid open and in walked Malcolm with Vicky. I looked into her eyes and she moved over to us. Trip stepped back and I hugged my roommate.

"I could've prevented it." I sobbed. "I could've stopped it, but I froze! I froze and now He's dead!"

"It's not your fault." I heard her say. "It's not your fault." Her voice was soft and comforting, but I could tell that she was just as upset as any of us, maybe even more so.

It was then Phlox allowed me to leave, which I was thankful for. I couldn't stand to be in that room any more. Trip tried to take me to the Mess Hall, but I wasn't in the mood to eat anything, so instead I just walked away from him and went to my quarters. As soon as I entered, my four year old Labrador, Cassie, greeted me, her tail wagging. But I moved away and just sat down on my bunk, grabbed my pillow and cried. She came up beside me and sat on the bed too, sensing that something was wrong. I put my arm around her as well. I was glad He had allowed me to bring her on board. I don't know what I would do if she weren't with me, she'd always been there when I needed her the most.

Trip wants me to say a few words at the funeral because I was the last person to see him alive, but I have no idea what I'm going to say. I wish I didn't have to, but I can't ignore a superior officer's order. What does someone say at a time like this? I don't know what it was that stalled me from shooting the Nausicaan, but something did. It should be me lying down in that corner with a sheet over me. I was supposed to be protecting Him, but I failed.

Everyone keeps coming round to see how I am and in some ways I'm glad to have the company, but other times I just want to be alone. My most frequent visitor has been Trip, he really does care about me, and I care about him. Captain Archer knew about our relationship long before we even realised it ourselves, a Captain's intuition I guess.

I've barely seen Vicky since it happened. She's been spending a lot of her time hidden away somewhere on the ship, away from the rest of the crew, and everyone knows better than to go off looking for her. It makes me wonder if she really has forgiven me, despite all the times she says she has, I just feel that she hasn't and is just saying it to make me feel better.


	8. It's All Changing

Chapter 8

**September 9****th**** 2158**

When I think of all the times that I have been close to death, such as when the Osaarians attacked us in the Delphic expanse, or when I was badly beaten up in a prison camp, I have been grateful to be part of this crew, to have a Captain that won't leave a single person behind. They've been able to help me, but when He needed me, I let him down, and now he's gone.

I think now I know what I can say about him at his funeral. It may not be much, as I'm sure I will start to cry before too long, maybe all that needs to be said is just a few words:

_Captain Jonathan Archer was a wonderful leader and friend to us all here on the Starship Enterprise and he will be greatly missed, but we shall always remember him in our hearts._

I think that would be appropriate, nothing else has come to mind. It's the thought that counts, isn't it? To show that I am thinking in some way of the one we've lost.

Trip had the painful duty of contacting Starfleet Command and telling Admiral Gardener what had happened on that mission. What was even more painful was that he needed someone with him and I was there too. Admiral Gardener was deeply upset, although he tried not to show it over the comm link. No doubt they will hold a memorial service for Him back on Earth at around the same time that we hold the funeral. The Admiral will contact us again in four days time when a decision has been made about the command status on board.

The funeral is in two days and for that time we will orbit a planet so that everyone can have the day off and pay their respects to our fallen Captain.

No doubt that when Admiral Gardener calls back he'll say that Trip will be promoted to the field rank of Captain, I can't imagine him saying otherwise. I think Trip will make a great Captain, although I know he'd miss being with his engine. Then there's the question of who he would promote to be Commander, his number one officer. Malcolm or T'Pol, they would be very good candidates, as they are all close friends.

When I first came aboard this ship, in 2153, Captain Archer was surprised as it was when Enterprise took its dangerous mission into the Delphic Expanse. I was twenty-four at the time. Just over a year later, when we returned, my father gave me a Labrador for my birthday and Captain Archer gave permission for her to come on the ship. I chose the name Cassie, in remembrance of my mother who was killed in the Xindi attack, that was the reason I wanted to be part of the mission.

Captain Archer had been a very good friend of my family over the last ten years or so, and I know my father will be upset when he reads my next letter. We used to have meals at our house, mum always made the best steaks.


	9. Just A Few Words

Chapter 9

**September 10****th**** 2158**

The day of the funeral has come all too soon. Jonathan's body lay in the coffin for all to see. Phlox had done a good job in making the Captain look respectable for one last time.

It was surprising to see Vicky crying so much, no one knew of the relationship that had been going on between her and Jonathan, they'd kept it very secret, but now because of me, that relationship is over.

Trip, being the acting Captain, was first to speak to the crew gathered in the Armoury, and to those listening over the open COMM link. He spoke of all the good things that Captain Archer had done on the ship and back at Earth before he was given command of the first warp five vessel. He soon finished his speech and turned to me. "Jesse, I believe you have a few words to say." I looked at him and nodded my head. I took a deep breath and stepped forward. What I had planned to say suddenly left my mind, it was completely blank. I was facing the whole crew and I didn't have anything to say.

I had to think fast, to find something to say in the moment of awkwardness. "Captain Archer put a lot of trust in me the day Lieutenant Reed was taken. Why they wanted him, we don't know, but it happened. Jonathan put me on Tactical and then covering for him when we were on the Nausicaan ship. But something went wrong, something happened to me scanner and it didn't pick up the soldiers that were waiting for us…" I was finding it extremely difficult to concentrate and think of things to say. A lump was forming in my throat and tears were beginning to well in my eyes. My mind just kept racing back to the moment that Jonathan had been stabbed, the flash of sharp metal under the lights glinting in my eyes.

"Err… Captain Archer had saved my life about ten times." And that was it, I couldn't say anymore, a heavy feel of tension was hanging in the air. Apart from five more words, I had nothing else to say. "We shall miss him dearly." At that moment, Trip stepped forward and put his hand on my shoulders and I knew at that point I didn't have to say anymore. I was slightly relieved to feel the hand there knowing I could step back. I retook my place next to Lieutenant Reed.

Next to say words were Malcolm and then T'Pol. For one who had purged their emotions it was very evident to see that T'Pol was feeling very emotional. She and Jonathan had been good friends. Once they had finished there was silence for several seconds so that everyone could say a few silent words to themselves, to say their own last good byes.

It felt like hours but was really only around two minutes before Trip and Malcolm lifted the lid of the coffin into place. I knew I had one last task to perform for Jonathan, and that was to help carry it onto the torpedo launcher with Trip, Malcolm, Travis, Hoshi and T'Pol. We placed it carefully and returned to our places, all except Malcolm who stood by the controls, his hand hovering over the little red button. Trip gave the man a slow nod and the button was pressed. The coffin slowly slid into the tube and was then jettisoned out. It was at that moment I remembered what it was I had wanted to say, the simple few words I had thought of two days ago, but now He was gone and it was too late.

"Good bye, Jonathan." I thought to myself as the coffin slowly glided through space, its resting place.

I keep thinking, if I hadn't attacked the Nausicaans, Captain Archer would still be alive. I don't know what it was that made me attack them, it may very well have been adrenaline fro, being on a rescue mission and I wanted some action to happen, to test out my combat skills that Malcolm had recently been teaching me. I should have fired, I should have fired. Maybe it was the glint of the metal in the lights that made me freeze, like a rabbit or a deer in a car's headlights from a century or two ago.


	10. The Commander

Chapter 10

**September 12****th**** 2158**

Commander Tucker had spent an hour or so talking to Admiral Gardener about the command structure on Enterprise. Once that was finished, he gathered the rest of us in the situation area at the back of the bridge. Phlox was late but when he finally arrived we found out that Crewman Cutler had been in with a headache that he had to sort out. For the whole time I wasn't really paying attention, just looking, staring at the floor around my feet, still remembering the moment I let the Captain lose his life.

"As you may or may not have guessed by now, I have been promoted to Captain. The En'erprise is under my command." It was silent. There was no need for applause or a cheer, the moment just wasn't right, it was expected. "Of course, there's the question of who to promote to become Commander, to serve by my side. It wasn't an easy decision. Malcolm… you know how much I respect you. You're great at everything you do. And you'll never stop being my friend, no matter what."

"Thank you, sir." Malcolm replied, the way he stood up a little straighter than he had been the last few days showed he was feeling honoured by our new Captain's words.

"T'Pol… We've had our ups and downs. And you certainly know your diplomatic abilities, which I may very well look to you for help from over the coming months, maybe even years if I don't listen to you to begin with."

"Hoshi, Travis." You're the best helmsmen and communications officers a captain could ever ask you. If I could I would have ask one of you, but as you know, you have to Lieutenant first. I want you to know that. I need you where you are, to keep doing what you do best, what you did for Captain Archer best."

"Thank you." The two of them spoke, nodding their heads in agreement. I could tell that Hoshi wasn't interested in a promotion, she was happy with her languages. Travis on the other hand, he did look like he was trying for a promotion, it was in his eyes. A young man with the potential to be a great man if he put his mind to it.

There was silence for several seconds. "Jesse." I looked up when he said my name. I knew he was going to say that he couldn't trust me. I had let Jonathan down, how could he possibly pick me for such an important job? "I know Captain Archer trusted you implicitly, or he wouldn't have asked you to go with us. The last five years, we've all watched you become a strong and wise young woman, I'm sure everyone here will agree. And if anyone would agree with me more with what I'm about to do, then that would be Captain Archer himself." He heart began to race. What was he trying to say? Was he kicking me out of Starfleet because of my failure? "I've decided I want you by my side." I stared in shock at him. What had he just said, had I really heard him correctly? "Will you be my right hand guy…. Woman?"

I was in stunned silence. "Trip… I…. I don't know." I replied, finding it all a lot to take in. from a failure to a promotion… how does that work? I did love him, but maybe that was why I was reluctant… two lovers running the ship, that just didn't seem right.

"Admiral Gardener has approved the decision. It's yours if you want it, no one is forcing you to take it though."

"We won't think anything less of you if you didn't take it." Malcolm added, placing a hand on my shoulder to try and reassure me.

I looked between everyone, all eyes were on me as they waited for a reply, I was in conflict with myself, my mind was saying no, but my heart was saying yes. I locked eyes with Trip, and then slowly nodded my head. "Yes." I finally said, following my heart as the saying goes.

Trip nodded his head and smiled softly at me. "Commander Reller." I too smiled a little bit, that had a nice ring to it, it rolled off the tongue nicely. "All right. That's all I have to say. Dismissed."

T'Pol, Travis and Phlox passed on their congratulations to me as they left the area and went to their desks, Phlox heading back down to sickbay.

"I promise I won't be too hard on either of you. Or anybody for that matter." I said looking between Hoshi and Malcolm. The tactical officer patted me on the back and I thought I caught a glimpse of him smiling, but I couldn't be sure. Hoshi gave me a comforting hug, and I needed it as I felt as if the ship was spinning so fast beneath my feet that I would fall over. I needed something to support myself on, and Hoshi had given me just that. From that moment on I could tell things were going to get easier. They had accepted me as their Commander, the one they would have to take orders from.

"Come on, let's go and get some dinner." Trip suggested, knowing that I had barely eaten anything over the last four days. With nods from the other two, I was led off the bridge, into the turbolift and down a corridor. Trip and Malcolm walked in front of Hoshi and myself. When we arrived at the Mess Hall, we avoided the Captain's Mess, we felt it best not to eat there.

Everything was going to feel odd for a few weeks whilst we all got used to the changes. I was now a Commander, and would be giving out various orders to most people around. Although I was now a higher rank than Malcolm and still a member of security, it was agreed between us that he could keep his job of Chief tactical officer, so I will still have to take a few orders from him.

Another change has happened down in engineering. Lieutenant Hess has now become Chief Engineer and Commander, and as I get used to my own change in rank it makes me wonder why Trip chose me over others like Malcolm and T'Pol who he's served with for longer. Maybe it's because I can really be trusted with important decisions, or maybe it's just because of our relationship with each other. I'm also not sure why I agreed, maybe it's because I want to progress further with my career, or maybe once again, it's the love that I feel for Commander Tucker.


	11. Epilogue

Epilogue

As time went on, we each accepted what had happened and I accepted the fact that it wasn't my fault what had happened to Him. We can't change the past and shouldn't dwell for too long on our mistakes. These things happen, and it's only human nature that in difficult situations we sometimes act differently from how we think we should act. Life on Enterprise did eventually return to a more normal way of running, after around five months. Movie Night was started up again to try and boost the crew's morale in the weeks after the funeral. Nobody speaks about Him, but just by looking into someone's eyes, you can usually tell if they are thinking about him. I know Vicky does a lot.

After a few months, Trip and I became closer than we ever thought we would get. Previous restrictions had gotten in the way, but now there was nothing to stop us anymore. He was the Captain after all. We could let ourselves fully show how we felt about each other. The Starship Enterprise was soon being run by two Tuckers.

Another relationship soon surfaced, one that no one had ever expected, and definitely shocked myself and Trip when they requested to be married on the ship. Malcolm and Hoshi.

None of us will ever forget Captain Jonathan Archer, the courageous and first ever Captain of Earth's warp five vessel. We won't forget him now that there's a little two year old Jonathan Tucker running around the ship with his pet beagle, Porthos, following him wherever he goes.

Nothing is the same anymore on the Starship Enterprise, but if things stayed the same, then life would be boring. A change is needed once in a while, it's just a shame that the change had to come like that.

What else can we do but move on, but never forget the ones we love?


	12. Original Version

**A/N: This is the original of this story. It had originally been a small challenge for me to make each chapter exactly 400 words, but that soon failed. I then decided to re-write it as I felt a lot of the information and the way I had written was just wrong. Probably the biggest change was how the scene unfolds with Archer's death. In this version I now feel that there is no sadness, no true emotion, and with the re-write... well, let;s just say even re-writing it very nearly brought myself to tears!**

Nothing is the same on the Starship Enterprise anymore.

Everyone goes around silent. There's no laughter. No smiles. No love. Friendship is hardly shown. No movie night every Tuesday down in the Mess Hall. Hardly anyone eats and not many people get much sleep. The Bridge is an especially creepy place to be because he isn't there anymore.

Lieutenant Vicky Herley, my best friend, was the most upset by the tragedy. She loved him. She really did love him. None of us had seen it until that day. That dreadful that the ship lost it's most important member of the crew.

It all began when Enterprise picked up a distress call. Ensign Hoshi Sato was off duty, so I was on the COMM. Though I wish I hadn't been, not that it would've made much difference. If I had known anything like this would've happened, I would've done my best to make sure that it was me. And I certainly would've done everything in my power to protect him on the away mission.

I know that if Commander Tucker were here now he'd agree with me on that. Everyone knows that I would always put my life in front of others and so it was also one reason why Captain Archer had decided that I also take up security when I'm not needed for COMM up on the bridge.

That terrible day happened just 4 days ago. I can never get it out of my head. It will always haunt me wherever I go. What ever I do. September 4th will be a day that no one forgets.

I remember that recently Porthos had died, from old age, and Captain Archer had still not really passed the shock from that. He really did love his beagle.

Lieutenant Reed had just had his 37th Birthday. But now the fun from that has disappeared. There's nothing to celebrate anymore, and probably won't be for a long time.

No one is quite sure who will take his place. It appears to be that most of the crew feels that filling in his place right now would be wrong. If that did happen straight away he would be forgotten too quickly and no one wants that, especially Vicky.

I know that if he were here right now he would want us to remember the good times, but that is always easier said than done.

**September 4th 2158**

Everything was peaceful up on the bridge. Everything except for Captain Archer, Lieutenant Reed and Commander Tucker. They were talking about the Lieutenant's party that had been held two nights before.

"Come on Malcolm, the Pin the Tail on the Donkey was not that bad!"

"I'm sorry Commander but I just don't see what the point is of that game. I've never liked it."

"The point is to make people laugh when you place the tail on its forehead or something silly like that!"

"Which is exactly what I did. I'm not surprised that Ensign Reller won." At the mention of my name I looked up from the COMM desk and over at the group. Commander Tucker looked at me and we both smiled.

At that moment I heard beeping. I looked at my desk and realised that the ship's transceiver was picking up a message.

"We're picking up a distress call captain." I said looking over at Captain Archer.

"Put it up."

"To… we…." The reception was very bad and whoever was speaking was hardly audible. I began to press a few buttons to see if I could clear the sound up a bit.

"Can you get it any clearer Ensign?"

"I'm already working on it."

"There are three vessels in our convoy." Came the voice over the transceiver. It was a male's voice and he sounded rather desperate.

"I think I've got it." As the voices became clearer for the people on the bridge to hear.

"We need immediate assistance. It's tearing us apart! This is the transport ship Ko'Luar." At that moment the voice suddenly cut out. I checked my desk to see if it was something to do with our ship but nothing was malfunctioning. I looked at Captain Archer and shook my head.

"T'Pol?" He turned and looked at the Vulcan science officer who was sitting behind me.

"The Ko'Luar is one of three Rigellian transport ships."

"Where?"

"Bearing 0-0-5 mark 4-3. Distance: 5 light-years." Replied Lieutenant Reed

"Travis, get us there maximum warp!"

"Aye sir." Travis, who was sitting to the right of me, began to work.

The Star Ship Enterprise was soon heading for the co-ordinates of the transport ships. No one knew what to expect, or why these ships needed help as that part of the distress call had been fizzled out by the bad reception over the transceiver.

Captain Archer ordered me to hail the Ko'Luar to tell them that we were on our way, but I couldn't get any response from them. I concluded that either their receiver or transceiver, or both, must've been damaged in what ever was happening with them.

Malcolm has his weapons on standby ready to fire upon any enemy vessels that may be attacking the Rigellian ships when we got to them.

We soon approached the co-ordinates of the transport ships and there they were on the screen. They seemed to be in prefect health. No evident damage on their hulls, and T'Pol could detect no damage with them.

She also couldn't detect any other ships anywhere in the vicinity of the transports. This was all just a little bit odd. I could tell that Malcolm Reed was not comfortable with the situation.

Captain Archer was just about to give Malcolm an order when suddenly 5 Rigellian officers beamed onto the bridge and shot everyone unconscious. Just before I was shot I was able to see Commander Tucker, Lieutenant Reed and Captain Archer fighting them.

The next thing in knew Travis Mayweather was trying to wake me up, and it worked. I looked around the bridge as the others were waking up. That's when I realised one person was missing. Lieutenant Reed wasn't on the bridge, and the three transport ships had disappeared.

"Get Hoshi up here now!" John's voice was filled with anger and worry. I nodded my head slowly as I was still feeling a bit dazed from the stun.

"T'Pol, I want you to locate those ships now."

"Luckily their warp trail has not fully disintegrated. It shouldn't be too hard to find out where they have gone." Very soon Ensign Hoshi Sato appeared, I got out of the seat and Hoshi took my place at the COMM desk. I moved to the other side of the bridge and sat at the tactical desk. I looked at Captain Archer but he was too busy focussing on the situation. His Chief of Security officer has just been kidnapped.

T'Pol was able to project an image of the warp trail on the screen in front of everyone and Travis set a course. Hopefully our vessel was faster than the Rigellian's and we would catch up with them and get Malcolm back. Tension on the bridge was hanging heavily in the air.

I wasn't sure what speed we were travelling at, but I knew it was a high warp. After around 3 hours of following the warp trail we came across the transport ships.

"I am detecting one human bio sign on the starboard ship." T'Pol declared.

"Ensign, take out their engines." I nodded and began to fire the plasma cannons and the torpedoes at the ship T'Pol had indicated. The transport ships fired back, but because they were only equipped with low yield particle cannons it was easy for me to take out their weapons.

"Their weapons are down."

"What about their engines?" Archer's voice was still filled with concern.

"I'm working on it." I replied, not used to be under this kind of stress. And with two other ships to try and disable it wasn't easy. "They're down on all three vessels." I finally reported.

"T'Pol, Trip. Ensign." John looked at me and I knew that meant he wanted me with him he began to head for the turbolift.

"Cap'n shouldn't we try and contact them first?" suggested the chief engineer.

"I highly doubt that they will just hand Malcolm over! Hoshi tell the launch bay to get one of the shuttlepods ready""

"Aye sir." The four of us entered the turbolift and we made out war down to the Armoury. I grabbed four plasma rifles and four phase cannons and handed one to each of us. We then very quickly made our way to the shuttlepod and climbed in. Captain Archer took the helm, and the pod left the launch bay. We headed for the starboard transport and docked with them.

I carefully moved out and opened the air lock. As the door slide back I got ready to fire, but we met no resistance. Maybe they hadn't realised what we had done. We moved out into the corridor.

"Trip, go with T'Pol. Take starboard. We'll take port."

"Aye sir." Trip looked at T'Pol and they moved off along a corridor. I looked at captain and we moved off. I checked my scanner to see which direction we should take. I looked at him and indicated with my hand which way Lieutenant Reed was being kept. And we moved off.

We were getting close, but as we turned a corner 3 Rigellians were waiting for us, with their weapons ready and aimed. John and I had nowhere to run.

The captain turned round but 3 more Rigellians appeared behind us. We were trapped and we had nowhere to run. How could Ihave missed them on my scanner? I was now certain there was a malfunction with it.

"Drop your weapons." John looked and he nodded his head at me. He slowly placed his weapons on the floor in front of him.

"Do it ensign." Reluctantly I put my weapons on the ground in front of me. 2 Rigellians then moved forward and grabbed each of us, but as soon as they were close enough to me I began to fight them.

I grabbed one of them and then pushed him up against the wall of the corridor, I then kicked him in the face and that left him unconscious. The other jumped on me knocking me onto the floor. Archer then began to fight the two he was being held by, but I was too preoccupied with my own fight to notice much about what he was doing.

I tried to push the Rigellian off me, but his weight was far too much and I was beginning to find it hard to breathe. He then began to try and strangle me, his weapon wrapped around my neck. What I hadn't noticed was that T'Pol and Tucker had arrived and were taking care of the other two Rigellians.

Using all my strength I managed to roll to one side and I was ontop of my attacker. I quickly stood up with him following. I spun round and punched him a couple of times, but he managed to punch me in the stomach. I double over in pain giving him the chance to punch me in the face. As I fell I tried to grab a couple of the handles, but I missed. Being on the floor gave me a slight tactical advantage and I was able kick him round the face and then push him back. He hit his head and was rendered unconscious. I then quickly turned my attention to Captain Archer who was still trying to fight two Rigellians. I jumped on one giving John a bit of help.

Lucky the energy from the one I jumped on was leaving him and I was soon in control of the situation and had him sitting on the floor with my phase pistol pointing at him. Trip came over and took over guarding him. I looked around to find out where Captain Archer had gone. I moved off down the corridors, turned a corridor and that's when I saw it.

The Rigellian and Captain Archer were locked in combat, both trying to strangle each other, finally the Rigellian managed to punch Archer and he fell back. I began to move forward to fight him, but quick as a flash he drew a dagger and stabbed the Captain in the chest.

"No! Captain!" I quickly grabbed my phase pistol from my side belt and fired at him. He fell on the floor unconscious. I ran forward to Archer and checked for a pulse.

Trip soon came round the corner after hearing my scream. "Cap'n?" He called over, but I didn't take any notice of him. I was just staring at the dagger and where it had entered his body. Right through the heart.

"Captain? Please, wake up! Captain?" But I got no response. I found no pulse. The dagger protruding from Captain Archer's body. He was dead and there was nothing anyone could do for him. I heard more phase pistol fire as Trip shot more coming towards us. He quickly moved over to me. I was in so much shock as he put his hands on my shoulders and tried to drag me away.

"June come on." I tried to resist him, but Trip was stronger and was finally able to pull me away. "T'Pol! Find Malcolm. We'll get back to the pod."

"What about Captain Archer?"

"I'll help him out." I could tell she sensed something was wrong but she didn't question anything. T'Pol nodded her head and quickly ran off. Trip ran back to John and soon he came round the corner carrying him on his shoulders. I was doing my best to stop myself from crying as we made our way back to the airlock. Fortunately we were not attacked again. He laid him on the floor of the pod and quickly sat in the pilot's seat. After a few minutes T'Pol and Malcolm soon appeared. When they both saw Captain Archer they were in shock at seeing what was on the floor in front of them. neither of them spoke and neither of them knew what to say. The shuttlepod left the transport ship and made its way back to Enterprise. Once it had left the transport Trip moved out of the Pilot's seat and Malcolm took over. He moved over and comforted me.

I don't remember anything else about the journey back to the ship or heading up to sickbay to get our wounds looked at by Doctor Phlox. I think I may have cried myself to sleep. When I woke up I was lying on a bed in sickbay with Trip standing over me. I was hoping all that was a dream, but when I sat up and saw the white sheet over a body in a corner I knew it wasn't, or I was hoping that all this was a dream and I would wake up soon. If it is a dream it's going on a long time and it feels very real.

I just hugged Commander Tucker, I didn't know what else to do. But I guess it was a normal reaction. I had witnessed the death of the captain, something which no one should have to witness, especially when trying to rescue another officer, a friend and life long companion.

The doors to sickbay slid open and in walked Malcolm with Vicky. I looked deeply into her eyes and she moved over to us. Trip moved back and I just hugged Vicky.

"I could've prevented it, but I didn't!" I cried into her arms.

After a while Phlox allowed me to leave, and I was thankful. I just couldn't stand to be in the same room as the body any longer. Trip decided that I should get to the Mess Hall and have some food, but I couldn't eat, not after what had just happened! Instead I just walked away from him and went to my quarters.

As soon as I entered my quarters my faithful companion greeted me. But when I moved away from her and sat down on my bed crying she knew someone was wrong. She jumped up onto bed next to me and I just hugged her. I was glad that Captain Archer had allowed me to bring her on board. I don't know what I would do if she weren't with me. Cassie, my 4-year-old Labrador has always been there for me when I have most needed her.

I don't know what it was that stalled me from shooting him, but something did. It should be me lying down in sickbay with a white sheet over me. I was supposed to be protecting the captain, but I failed.

Commander Tucker wants me to say something at his funeral because I was the last person to see him alive, but I have no idea about what I'm going to say. I wish I didn't have to, but I can't ignore a superior officer's order. What does someone say at a time like this?

Everyone keeps on coming round to see how I am and in some ways I'm glad to have the company. My most frequent visitor has been Trip, he really does care about me.

Vicky, my best friend and room mate, has been spending a lot of time hidden away somewhere on the ship, but everyone knows better than to go off looking for her.

**September 8th 2158**

When I think of all the times that I have been close to death, such as when the Osaarians attacked us in the Delphic Expanse, and when I was badly beaten up in a prison camp, I have been grateful that Captain Archer and his very close friends have always been able to help me, but now he's gone.

I think now I know what I can say at his funeral about him. It may not be much as I'm sure I might start to cry before too long. Maybe all that needs to be said is just a few words….

_Captain Jonathan Archer was a wonderful leader and friend to us all here on the starship Enterprise and he will be greatly missed, but we shall always remember him in our hearts._

I think that would be appropriate, nothing else has come to mind.

Trip had the painful duty of contacting Starfleet Command and telling Admiral Forrest what had happened that mission, what was even more painful was the fact that Trip needed someone with him and I was there too. Admiral Forrest was deeply upset, although he tried not to show it over the COMM link.

The Admiral will contact us in 4 days time when he has decided what shall happen about the command situation on Enterprise.

The funeral will be held in 2 days time and for the whole day everyone will be allowed the day off to pay their respects to our fallen Captain.

I'm guessing that when Admiral Forrest calls back he'll say that Trip will be promoted to the field rank of Captain, I can't imagine him saying anything else. I think Commander Tucker would make a great captain, but I know he would miss being with his engine. Then there's a question of who he would promote to be Commander. He may choose Malcolm, or maybe even T'Pol. They would both be good candidates.

When I first came aboard this ship Captain Archer was surprised, seeing as it was when the Enterprise took its dangerous mission into the Delphic Expanse. I was 31 at the time, just over a year later, when we returned, my father gave me a Labrador for my birthday and Captain Archer agreed that she could come onto the ship. I chose the name Cassie in remembrance of my mother who was killed in the Xindi attack back in 2153, the reason I wanted to go on the mission to the expanse.

Captain Archer had been a very good friend of my family over the last10 years or so,and i know my father shall be upset when he reads my next letter

**September 10th 2158**

The funeral had come all too soon for us. Archer's body lay in the coffin for all to see.

It was surprising to see Vicky crying so much, no one else knew of the relationship that was going between her and John, and now because of me, that relationship is over. Of course Vicky forgives me, she told me that she probably would have acted the same way I did, but she's just an exo-biologist.

Trip was the first to speak. He spoke of all the good things that Captain Archer had done on the ship, and back at earth before he was given command of the first warp 5 vessel. He soon finished his speech and then turned to me.

"June. I believe you have a few words to say." I looked at him and nodded my head. I took a deep breath and stepped forward. What I had planned to say completely left my mind. I was facing 20 odd crewmen and I didn't have anything to say, my mind was a blank.

"Captain Archer put a lot of trust in me the day that Lieutenant Reed was taken, putting me on tactical, and then covering for him when we were on the ship. But something went wrong, something happened to my scanner and it didn't pick up the aliens that were waiting for us…" I was finding it extremely difficult to concentrate and think of things to say. My mind just kept racing back to the moment that John had been stabbed.

"Err… Captain Archer has saved my life about 10 times…" And that was it, I couldn't say anymore. Apart from 5 more words…. "We shall miss him dearly." At that moment Trip stepped forward and put his hands on my shoulders and I knew at that point I didn't have to say any more. I was slightly relieved when I felt his hands on my body and could step back. I retook my place next to Lieutenant Reed and Sub-Commander T'Pol.

They placed the lid over the coffin and prepared to jettison it out into space. Malcolm moved over to the control panel. Trip gave him a slow nod and he pressed the button. The coffin went into the torpedo tube and was fired out. At that moment I remembered what I wanted to say, the simple few words I had thought of two days before, but now it was really too late to say anything.

If I hadn't attacked the Rigellians Captain Archer would probably still be alive. I don't know what it was that made me attack them, it may very well have been adrenaline from being on a rescue mission and I wanted some action to happen, test out my combat skills that Malcolm had recently been teaching me.

**September 12th 2158**

Commander Tucker had spent an hour or so talking to Admiral Forrest about the command of Enterprise. He had gathered us all in the meeting room where we were waiting for him. Once Doctor Phlox had arrived Trip was able to speak to all seven of us. For the whole time I was just looking at the floor, still remembering the momentI let the Captain loose his life.

"As you all know I've been speaking to Admiral Forrest and…" he stopped and sighed. "… I have been promoted to the rank of Cap'n, so I am now in command of Enterprise."

"I guess congratulations are in order." Malcolm said. Trip just nodded his head slightly.

"But then there is also the question of who to promote to become Commander. It wasn't an easy decision, but I'm gonna need someone who is a close friend and someone who I can implicitly trust to take command if for some reason I'm out of action. So as you can probably imagine that was a very hard choice for me cause you are all my friends and I can trust you all. But I have finally made a decision." He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "June." I looked at him in surprise when he said my name. "I've decided it should be you." i was in complete shock, i never thought he would choose me to be hisCommander, his number one.

"Trip… I...i don't know…" I had no idea what to say, I was just an ensign, a lot for me to take in. I didn't think anyone could be promoted by 2 ranks in one go.

"I've already suggested it to Admiral Forrest, and he said it was all right, if you agree that is." I looked deeply into his blue eyes. I finally nodded my head, as words just didn't feel right at the time. "All right. That's all I have to say to you all. Dismissed." Phlox, T'Pol and Travis all left the room leaving Hoshi, Malcolm, Trip and me there.

"Congratulations June." Said Hoshi.

"Thank you. I promise I won't be hard on either of you. Or anybody for that matter." Malcolm patted me on the back and I thought a caught a glimpse of him smiling, but I couldn't be sure. Hoshi hugged me, and I needed it because I felt as if the ship was spinning so fast I could hardly stand and needed something to support myself on.

"Come on let's go and get some dinner." The four of us headed to the Mess hall, Trip and Malcolm in front of Hoshi and me. We didn't eat in the Captain's Mess, we felt it best not to. Everything was going to feel odd, I was now a Commander, and so I was going to have to order most people around. Although I was now a higher rank than Malcolm and a member of security I told Malcolm the he could keep his job as head of security, so I will still have a little bit of orders to take from a Lieutenant.

The change in rank has now meant that Lieutenant Hess has become the Chief Engineer, and as I get used to the change in rank it makes me wonder why Trip chose me to be a Commander. Maybe it's because I can really be trusted with important decision, or maybe it's just because of our relationship with each other. I'm also not sure why I agreed, maybe it's because I want to progress further with my career, or maybe once again it is the love that I feel for Commander Tucker.

What else can we do but move on...?


End file.
